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Message From The Volunteer Advisory Council

OUR CAREGIVERS
 
The definition of a caregiver from Webster’s Dictionary is a person who provides direct care (as for children, elderly people, or the chronically ill). This definition I feel doesn’t begin to cover what an actual caregiver does.
Caregiving can affect the caregiver’s life in a myriad of ways including his/her ability to work, engage in social interactions and relationships and still maintain good physical and mental health.  A caregiver helps with daily activities, such as preparing meals, running errands, bathing, performing medical tasks, and giving medication.  Caregiving also can bring great satisfaction and strengthen relationships.

Most people caring for an ill loved one don’t consider themselves a caregiver. I for one was that person.  I helped cared for my mother suffering from pancreatic cancer in 2010. I did it to help my dad and out of love for my mom and dad. I didn’t think of myself as a caregiver.  I sat with my 55-year-old sister as she too was dying from pancreatic cancer in the same year.  I listened to her, I hugged her, we cried together. I didn’t consider myself a caregiver.

I am now the caregiver once again for my husband Steve, who has been going through a very serious illness for over a year. Though in the beginning, I still didn’t consider myself a caregiver as he is my husband, the love of my life, and I’d do anything to help him with all the suffering, chemo, and sickness that he is going through. I now understand that I too am a caregiver and would never change the fact that he needs me, and I’ll do anything to help him through everything he needs.

Encouraging a family caregiver is expressing support for the physical and emotional effort that goes into caring for a loved one.  Most friends’ and family members’ intentions are very good, but sometimes the way it is said leaves caregivers let down.  When encouraging a caregiver remember the caregiver may be tired and overwhelmed, so what is meant as a compliment can very easily be interpreted as a criticism if not said quite the right way.

Just a few of the things on the list below have been said to me.  I will note each one and then mark down what I would have love to hear instead, and I think many caregivers if not most would agree.
  1.  “You look tired.”   
Yes, I am tired. Probably overtired. I could have been up most of the night worrying about my loved one or shedding tears as you don’t want your loved one to see how stressed you really are.  Instead, please give some words of encouragement, give a compliment, a hug. This means more than anything.
 
  1. “Call me if you need anything.”
I am overwhelmed, so on a daily basis I probably won’t call anyone to ask for anything, I don’t have it in me.  Instead say, “I have a meal or two for you both, what day this week would be good for me to drop it off to you?”
 
  1.  “What can I do to help?”
Rather say, “I’ve got a few hours free this week or next. l want to come over and help with yardwork, laundry, dusting, cleaning, or picking up groceries.” The caregiver will most likely take you up on one or more suggestions.

Finally, please don’t ignore the subject. Caregiving can be lonely and exhausting. Reach out and always ask if they’d like to talk, to get out for a cup of coffee, if you can help with their loved one while the caregiver does something for themself. With these examples, you can truly ease some of the burden they are going through.  
 
-Submitted by Jeanne Lipshetz, VAC Member


Editor’s note: PanCAN Patient Services provides free, personalized services and resources to caregivers, pancreatic cancer patients, and others affected by pancreatic cancer. You can contact PanCAN Patient Services (M – F, 7 a.m. – 5 p.m. PT) at 877-272-6226 or at patientservices@pancan.org.
 

Posted by Paula Mukherjee on Feb 10, 2023 6:00 AM CST